32 Nails

I find the most random things to do when I am procrastinating. I mean it isn't like I have had the past two and a half months to do things while David was gone! Now that I find myself with finals to study for, a house to clean before my husband gets home and those oh so random things that I 'was going to get done' still to do. Did I mention that I only have three days? Of which I have material that I am still studying. Some college professors don't seem to find it necessary to teach what is actually on the FINAL.

You must be wondering why on earth I titled this 32 Nails. It is actually part of random procrastination. You see I thought it would be a good idea to put up white lights around the perimeter of our bedroom. It'll create a relaxing ambience right? The stupid nails barely hold the strands of lights up and I almost expect them to come crashing down while I'm sleeping! And yes it took 32 nails to put the crazy things up. What actually started this whole escapade is the taliet from our wedding. I thought it would be nice to hang above our bed. I was hoping that the really neat plant hangers that I found at Lowe's would end up looking like something from HGTV. That wish was not granted. Instead it looks rather, um, well awkward, this thing hanging over our bed. I'll leave it up until David gets home and see what he thinks. Did I mention that you can't even see the hangar things? The taliet totally covers them up. I could have Winnie the Poo hooks for that matter.

Did you know that Kmart has a great sale on candles, table runners and ribbon right now? Seriously, it was not high on the priorities list to actually go to Kmart but I felt like going. That feeling really only means that you are going to spend money that you didn't really need to spend in the first place, but it is justified with the fact that you saved $21. That is some pretty serious savings, seeing that most of what was purchased was 50% off!!!

FYI- after you get married Kmart sales on cute tablecloths and napkins becomes a highlight of your day.
I guess it's the nesting gene, and no Sarah I am not pregnant.

So now that it is officially my bed time I guess I should start studying. They do say that the things you read right before you go to sleep you remember the most. cram! Cram! CRAM! Sleep.

So here is to all of you who ever have or are in the process of procrastinating! Happy studying!

the cost of sacrifice

These are the times where you think you will know everything to say, words of comfort and being able to relate to an experience. However, i have come to the realization that I have no idea what to say to my husband regarding what he has been through these past few months. I don't know where he has been, what he has seen, gone through or felt. I have no knowledge and won't seeing that he isn't allowed to talk about it. In some ways maybe it is best that i don't know the details whether they be good or bad. I just hope that G-d will give me the right words to say when David comes home. Of course there will be the 'I miss you' and 'I love you' but the difference is there won't be the sharing of experiences as usually happens when one is away for any length of time.

I never realized until this morning that silence and not knowing is a sacrifice. I am so thankful that my husband is willing to make this sacrifice and serve to protect our country and the freedom that we believe in so deeply.

be home soon!

so i have been a terrible blogger the past couple of months! as my mom puts it i've been in "survival mode". Which is true, it hasn't been easy with David deployed; it is the first time that i have ever lived by myself. I've been keeping busy with school, work, Natzar and trips to Macon.

The good news is that David will be home in the next few days! I can't wait to see him!

in betweeen: the time between coming and going

I'm here to meet with you

come and meet with me

I'm here to find you reveal yourself to me

As I wait, you make me strong

As I long, draw me to your arms

As I stand and sing your praise

You come, you come and you fill this place

Won't you come,

Won't you come and fill this place

as i began to write this blog, the song "Meet with Me" started on my to play on my Pandora station. i was wondering just how to word everything that I'm going through and feeling. I don't know if there really are words; it seems to be a time of waiting, not knowing, bracing for change and praying that I can hold on when that change comes.

Every time that i hear the chorus to "Meet with Me" and it talks about waiting... i see myself just standing with my arms open wide and HIS wind blowing on me, renewing me, strengthening me. I guess that is how I feel right now, longing for more of His presence to come and fill me.
Lately I have come to see just how empty I feel without the constant feeding from the Word, as well as not having body of believers to go and worship with. The saying is true, you don't know how good you've got it until it's gone.

David will be deploying within the next two weeks. There isn't a set date, so naturally that is a little unsettling. But then I ask myself, why am I so dependant on a date? By now I should be used to the un-methodical life of the Air Force.
I know in the end it will all be alright, David will go and I will grow. I will learn to be self-sufficient on an even greater level.

We have loved Natzar becoming part of our little family. While he can definitely try our nerves and patience with the house breaking, we absolutely love him. He really is a sweetheart and David has loved teaching him tricks. I am amazed at the diligence that David has with training him, I hope I can keep it up when he's gone!

College however has been somewhat of a disappointment for me. I expected my classes to be more difficult than high school, but this is not the case. no worries, I will complete the classes. Next semester I just want to be challenged more.

Holding on and pressing in,
Lindsey

Natzar: protector

Yesterday I started college and David surprised me by bringing home our puppy!
We had fallen in love with Natzar (sounds like "nuts are") about a month ago, but it wasn't working out to get him, we were still getting ready to move into the townhouse.
I wasn't sure if things were going to fall into place and was just waiting to hear when David called and asked me to help him get something out of the car. There was Natzar and David with a huge grin on his face. I was ecstatic to say the least. We had really been debating whether or not to get a puppy; the deciding factor was David deploying and I needed company and security.

Also before we even moved or had seen Natzar, we felt like G-d had chosen his name which is Hebrew for protector. Natzar has been great the 36 hours that we have had him so far (I know it's silly) but he really is a good dog, very even tempered and docile.

We adopted Natzar from Underdogs, a program that places 'underdogs' with a good adoptive family. Turns out our friends have known the founder of the program for years! G-d really has worked everything out! They think Natzar is about 8 weeks old, and he is a mix of yellow lab and pug, completely adorable. Right now we are sitting on the patio enjoying the breeze while he takes a morning nap.
He has been following me around the house and sitting at my feet. To say the least he is a lot of comfort seeing that I spend quite a bit of time alone.
David and I are both so excited and so thankful that G-d has provided and worked everything out. It is the best feeling to be IN G-d's will and receiving his blessings.

shalom and ahava,
Lindsey, David and Natzar!

beginning to heal

So, the procedure of burning my nerves began tuesday. all went well and i felt great yesterday. they can only do one side of my neck at a time so the right side (which wasn't done) hurts more than ever now, but it is normal.
as a side effect, i have a numb spot on my shoulder, but i'd rather have that then a burning sensation, G-d heard my prayer!

i am so happy that something has worked! praise Adonai!

thank you for all of your prayers and i'll keep you updated on how this all proceeds.

step one of two

the test on my neck went well today, numbing the pain. this means that we will go ahead with the procedure tomorrow.
please keep me in your prayers.
-lindsey

getting closer

in my last post i shared about the next steps that will be taken regarding my neck and back pain:
since then i have had my MRI, which was fine, and i have also been to the pain management clinic.
talking with the Doctor at pain management i didn't receive a proposition that i expected nor wanted to hear.
He said that since physical therapy and medication have not worked (as well as taking into account various tests that i've had) he believes that the next step and my last option is to burn the nerves around one or two vertebra's in my spine. he says that they are inflamed, and to protect them my muscles are tensing up to protect them. this explains the ever present tightness and pain in my neck and shoulders.
i really did not expect to or want to hear that i would have to kill part of my body in order to have relief from the pain. however, the nerves will also grow back in 6-8 months.

i have prayed for healing, and however G-d desires to bring that about i believe that he will. in the meantime, i pray that i will continue to be a light and a witness to the doctors and other medical staff that i encounter.
Monday i will undergo a test to see if this method of relief will actually work, and if it does the procedure is scheduled for Tuesday.
Please keep David and I in your prayers,
in His shalom, Lindsey

Change: the disrupt of order in your life, adjustment

It has been such a long time since I last wrote and many things have happened.



To start with I no longer work at Shelter House. It was a season the left questions of why, but G-d answered those none to soon.

Since working there I have become good friends with one of my previous co-workers Sandra. At the time that David and I really needed a couple to fellowship with G-d provided Sandra and Joseph. Then a couple weeks later Sandra informed that a townhouse, two doors down from her was for rent. Since then we have moved all of our earthly belongs to our new home. The house we have anointed and dedicated to be used by G-d for his glory.

Things have been very jumbled and out of whack these past few days... finding socks and where did the iron go when we moved? In the very near future we will be having a yard sale.

David has absolutely loved the yard and i don't know if i emphasised that enough. Every morning and every night he is out there, watering, pruning, cutting as he works to restore it's previous beauty.



I however, am starting college in the fall at Northwest Florida State College. I am so excited and ready for it to begin. G-d has also provided a part time job that I am really enjoying!

In the midst of life I am still struggling with pain in my neck and shoulders. Some of it is from the car accident that i was in two years ago and also from a fall that i took this previous November while I was in Israel.
Since then I have been in physical therapy, seen a number of Doctors and have been taking unwanted medications. The medicine doesn't make me feel like myself and the pain alters things that I do or would like to do. The next step that we are taking is to go to a pain management clinic while continuing medication. I ask for your prayers that G-d's plan would be first and come to fruition. Whatever His will is that is what I want and I know that I will be healed someday. In the meantime I will continue to be a witness of His ever continuing love and faith fullness.

I hope you are all doing well. We really miss our friends at Beth Yeshua and our family. Oh, praise report! Olivia- our niece who is two- she is two and just finished her first treatment of chemo, the doctors could not find the tumor!!! PRAISE ADONAI!!!

Many blessings, shalom and ahava,

Lindsey

Completion: The act or state of being or making something complete; accomplishment.

Monday night David came home from his check ride with a goofy grin on his face. I asked him half asleep if he passed his check ride, knowing that before he even answered that he had.

His completion of his training has been something that has been a prayer request for us; it has been hard to complete with the weather and planes not cooperating. i am almost ecstatic to know that he has completed his training.

The next step will be deployments, but as G-d has been showing me through the last year. We live our lives in seasons and through the times that we don't think that we can get through or even if it will ever end, He gives us exactly what we need to get through the season.

Right now i am celebrating exactly where we are in this season right now!
Congratulations David! I'm so proud of you!

in this season

"For everything there is a season, a right time for every intention under heaven-" Ecclesiastes 3:1



I have to really believe that verse right now, all in all it was a really hard weekend. While it may be a time of rest and a break from work, I have to say that David and I defiantly had a lot of stress from our jobs weighing on us.

Saturday afternoon we found out that our niece, Olivia has cancer on her liver. To say the least it was devastating news to hear. She and her twin sister just turned 2 a couple of weeks ago. (in the photo: David is holding Olivia and i am holding Sophia).


While i have known people with cancer, i can't describe what an emotional pain this is to bear knowing that your family is suffering.

but through my life so far, G-d has shown himself to be awesome even in the direst of circumstances, and when our pain is so great i have the think that in someway i am getting just a glimpse of the pain that he feels for us. it has been so comforting to know that the creator of the universe knows my name, cares who i am, what i do and how i feel.

to sum it up, i am on my knees praying for the comfort of John and Elizabeth as they face this trial in their life, praying that G-d would surround them, dance around them and sing his love over them and their little girls.

In this season, in this time I will praise him, praise him through these trials because he is worthy and holds us in the palm of his hand.

...Jack...

Memorial day weekend we went to Macon for Gina and Tim's wedding as well as to see our family. I was so excited to see my cousin Jack! he has been through a lot of surgeries and it is great to see him doing so well and getting so big! G-d really has a plan and purpose for Jack's life!

good times in the neighborhood

Noticing that my last post was all about work it's pretty obvious that i don't have much time now! Things have been crazy, learning everything at the office, training and getting everything done.

It has been a good change for us though. It is great when i can come home and crash on the couch while David cooks! yum!

So, this past weekend was really great. We finally got the information about the messianic home fellowship here in fort walton. lo and behold it is about 1 mile down the street from us. I don't know how we could get any closer!
Their service is held Saturday night at 6 pm, and all of the people were so open, warm and friendly. David and i left feeling refreshed and so encouraged to be around believers that earnestly seek G-d's truth and revelation.
We are so excited to see where it all goes and how G-d is going to use us here.

I know it is a silly side note but Sunday we spent most of the day deep cleaning the apartment. It fells SO good to wake up and see my floor clean and vacuumed. And i hate to leave in the morning because it is so relaxing to just spend time at home. I really never have appreciated going home as much as i do now.

When we were driving around Saturday, we toured a town house that is for sale. While we probably won't be moving anytime soon it really got us thinking about the dreams that we do have. Lately G-d seems to be solidifying our place here in fort walton as well as our fellowship. Just a month ago I didn't have a job or a fellowship, and so much has changed since then.
I feel truly blessed to be here and so excited to see what else may come. It is really starting to feel as if life has a meaning here.

Yay!!!

work, work, work

ahhh, so now i know excactly why my husband is always so exhausted when he comes home from work at night.
today is my first full day, 8-5 and i am staying until 6 so i can meet the Board.
been busy ALL day or at least it feels like it and i can't wait to go home.
we just rearranged my office with two desks instead of one, and G-d provided a high-backed office chair! something that i really need with my neck and shoulders!

*correction*

note to self: the last day of Pesach was Sunday, not Saturday. Passover is one day and the the feast of unleaven bread for seven days after that.

"spring float recliner"

Yesterday David and I went to the beach, it was absolutely beautiful! It was overcast and you could tell that a storm would blow in later. The waves looked like jade in contrast with the creamy sand. David's latest toy, a raft thing for the pool was taking it's maiden voyage. the waves we're incredible and some maybe 4-5 ft. tall! we rode our "spring float recliner" and had a blast!

we ended the day grilling out for the first time by the pool and had jumbo hebrew nationals to celebrate the conclusion of Pesach!

shabbat at the beach

we're off to spend shabbat at the beach watching the waves bow at His feet. as it's the last day of pesach i'm sad that it's ending. i've loved the truth that G-d has revealed to me and just the cleaning out. i've seen cleansing not only in my life and heart but in our marriage as well.

shabbat shalom!

frustration!

the thing that i seem to hate most about applying for a job is the resume and cover letter. just what am i supposed to tell these people. i don't want to write a lot of b.s. and while i know that i am an efficent typist, i have no clue how many words per minute that i type.
i always get so frustrated with something that i don't know how to do and don't want to do. but when it's all said and done i have completed and overcome. it just doesn't help that the last cover letter you wrote was rejected within about sixty seconds.

Joel

I'm currently writing an article about a little boy named Joel. He has cystinosis and his story has touched my life. I'm left with the disire to do something, raise awareness and support.

His family is precious and Dawn his mom has such a good heart. G-d truly has Joel in her life for such a time as this.

for more info on Joel's disease go to http://www.natalieswish.com/

EVERYTHING has a purpose

So it is almost 1am and i should be going to bed, but for some reason i'm just not there yet. and there are still dirty dishes to be done. oy vey!

things have been really hard lately as far as emotions go. i feel as if i'm on a roller coaster that i can't stop. happy one minute then crying and so sad the next. i think the biggest issue with all of it is finding where i belong HERE. leaving my life and in essence my childhood was harder than i ever imagined it to be. i just knew that G-d has said that this was what and where i should be, married to David.
i'm not sure why but looking back, at least with David and going to Israel I just knew that it was G-d and I didn't really stop to think about how i would feel. i know that you can expect things, like you're going to miss people, things will be different etc. but i didn't ever expect to feel how i felt or how i feel now.

i am trying to see what G-d is teaching us through this experience. We left a fantastic, supportive mishbocha (family) in Macon and in a sense are having to rebuild that foundation here.

I went back to Assembly, a Wednesday night bible study at a church here in town, for the first time in a couple of weeks. The days that I don't feel like going but then actually make the effort to and go, G-d shows me so much and really encourages me.

Tonight the teaching was on Moshe and his life and the way he dealt with injustice. we went through the lesson and read Exodus 2, as well as discussed how we all viewed everything. I realized how G-d used Moshe's inadequacy or what man would call a character flaw for HIS glory. Moshe was so outspoken and would not compromise when it came to justice. even when his passion got him in trouble Moshe was still always himself, but learned a lot along the way. Though his life G-d was teaching him lessons, preparing him even when Moshe didn't know it and G-d even took 40 years to change him on one thing!

The whole teaching really taught me that no matter what i've been through, where i am or where i am going, G-d is using it ALL for the calling he has on my life. whether it is one moment in history or a message for the nations, he is ultimately shaping my heart to where he wants it.

Knowing that what i am going through now is not in vain really encouraged me to press on. Keep running the race and fighting the fight. My mom told me yesterday "G-d will open the doors but you have to push them." Though G-d is opening the doors i have to make an effort to find them, and as I do i am learning just what He is molding me into, what my calling is and that it is worth the price.

Steping Out

I have been thinking a lot lately of starting yet another blog. This one is just for me and my thoughts on life and whoever wants to listen. So much has happened and so much has changed and with that comes new emotion, feelings, seasons, places and even a new me.
So as I step out into this new season of my life, I want a place to record it, times, places and things. Ups and downs, highs and lows and all of the above.