EVERYTHING has a purpose

So it is almost 1am and i should be going to bed, but for some reason i'm just not there yet. and there are still dirty dishes to be done. oy vey!

things have been really hard lately as far as emotions go. i feel as if i'm on a roller coaster that i can't stop. happy one minute then crying and so sad the next. i think the biggest issue with all of it is finding where i belong HERE. leaving my life and in essence my childhood was harder than i ever imagined it to be. i just knew that G-d has said that this was what and where i should be, married to David.
i'm not sure why but looking back, at least with David and going to Israel I just knew that it was G-d and I didn't really stop to think about how i would feel. i know that you can expect things, like you're going to miss people, things will be different etc. but i didn't ever expect to feel how i felt or how i feel now.

i am trying to see what G-d is teaching us through this experience. We left a fantastic, supportive mishbocha (family) in Macon and in a sense are having to rebuild that foundation here.

I went back to Assembly, a Wednesday night bible study at a church here in town, for the first time in a couple of weeks. The days that I don't feel like going but then actually make the effort to and go, G-d shows me so much and really encourages me.

Tonight the teaching was on Moshe and his life and the way he dealt with injustice. we went through the lesson and read Exodus 2, as well as discussed how we all viewed everything. I realized how G-d used Moshe's inadequacy or what man would call a character flaw for HIS glory. Moshe was so outspoken and would not compromise when it came to justice. even when his passion got him in trouble Moshe was still always himself, but learned a lot along the way. Though his life G-d was teaching him lessons, preparing him even when Moshe didn't know it and G-d even took 40 years to change him on one thing!

The whole teaching really taught me that no matter what i've been through, where i am or where i am going, G-d is using it ALL for the calling he has on my life. whether it is one moment in history or a message for the nations, he is ultimately shaping my heart to where he wants it.

Knowing that what i am going through now is not in vain really encouraged me to press on. Keep running the race and fighting the fight. My mom told me yesterday "G-d will open the doors but you have to push them." Though G-d is opening the doors i have to make an effort to find them, and as I do i am learning just what He is molding me into, what my calling is and that it is worth the price.